14219 - what's with this deep and meaningfull mood of late... i just cant seem to shake it.... still waters run deep i guess. so much love for those around me. everyone in their own way has shaped my life, whether intentionally or not, one cannot deny that experience moulds our path in this world. maybe a beter way to judge one's self is by those that they hold dear, for loneliness is the true fear of many, a fear that manifests itself in the darkest part of the psyche, and only when all other stimuli are removed does it show its true form. for such social beings why do we spend so much of our time hiding our true emotions, always watching always judging, my mind is awash with ideas, notions, and concepts, each one as strange as the next. in a stage of chaos, why does order seem so needed, yet at the same time so wrong. focus is what i desire, and like most things that i desire it is the thing i lack the most. sleep is proving impossible, and study even more so, so many questions, never enough answers. why can i not just be content with what is, instead of constantly looking to what could be. such is life.
marchie